Thursday, October 11, 2012

On how life is lately...


So that was a bit longer of a break than I had anticipated. Turns out an infant is rather time consuming. Someone jokingly told us that infants are benevolent dictators. I think that's a pretty apt description, actually. 

I've taken to telling people I've fallen down the bébé hole (a takeoff on the rabbit hole from Alice in Wonderland). It's like I've entered this strange new world where time is suspended and entire days go by before I surface for air and make contact with the rest of the human race. 

I'm not complaining, though. I love that I have this time to totally immerse myself in getting to know my daughter. Ruby is perfect and beautiful. I love her so much it's scary. People try to warn you but nothing really can prepare you for the intensity of emotions you experience with your child. Strangely, I feel like the helpless one between the two of us. She seems pretty clear on what she wants but I'm still learning to read her cues and I don't always get it right at first. It's getting incrementally easier each day but I still have moments when I'm just overwhelmed. 

Some days I embrace The Motherhood. When we're up, dressed, and out of the house at a decent hour to see friends or run errands I catch myself thinking, "Yeah, I've got this. I am rocking the mom thing." And then there are other days when I wake up with anxiety just thinking about the enormous responsibility that comes with this 9 pound little lump of humanity. Those are the days when it's a struggle just to get out of the house for a walk and I feel like I'm not cut out for this mothering business. 

I'm told the ambivalence I'm experiencing is fairly normal.  Thank god for all my mama friends who've been through this before and who've lent their support and welcome advice. One friend told me in a few short months it all becomes your "new normal." I sure hope so- nothing feels normal right now. 

A large part of the normalcy I've been missing is baking and cooking. Life on Ruby-time revolves around 2-3 hour feeding cycles and I'm still not very good at getting much accomplished in these short periods. However, one Friday night recently I did manage to bake a cake with Ruby strapped to me in the baby wrap. I can't say it was my best effort but even so, I felt a sense of accomplishment in finishing it. 

I know I promised this baking blog wouldn't become a Mommy blog but bear with me. Here's hoping the little dictator lets Mom return to the kitchen soon :-)

13 comments:

  1. Seriously my friend, with a baby so beautiful as Ruby, I wouldn't get a thing done. I think you're coming along beautifully.

    Now, I'm going to stop what I'm doing and stare at these pictures.

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  2. Oh how cute she is! I am sure you are rocking the mom thing everyday, but some days you just don't realize it!
    Ok now I know I will look stupid asking this..what are those round things on the cake? Just hope you did not put Kielbasa sausage slices on chocolate cake :)

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    1. HA! No, not Kielbasa. Those are malted milk balls. Although Kielbasa and chocolate might make an excellent combination ;-)

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    2. Ok, blushing with embarrassment now :)

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  3. You will get it back, mama! I have been there, and I know it seems like the newborn stage will go on forever, but I promise it won't. ;)

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  4. Too cute, Shelley! I only recently started baking again, but even then they are simple things and Ramona is 7 months now. Eventually the feedings will stretch out a little bit and you'll get better at living your life in 3 hour spans. Also, once Ruby gets a bit older and big enough for a hip or back carry, it's so much easier to get things done.

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  5. Kudos to you for finding time to share sweet Ruby with us. It was so long ago that I was in your shoes and that was way before the internet so the fact that you can write-bake-and share is nothing short of "rock star" material. Pat yourself on the back and start each day new. You said it well with the first part of that sentence "It's getting incrementally easier each day" , because it does. Don't worry about being a "mommy blog" it's part of your life now and I can't imagine any of your readers being bored with that, I mean look at those beautiful pics. Oh and that malted milk ball cake looks pretty fab too. :)

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  6. SO adorable! She has beautiful eyes. I'm impressed that you can get anything done let alone bake an amazing dessert. She is one lucky little girl to have a Mom that bakes like you do.

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  7. Your little dictator is pretty adorable :)

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  8. OMG - she couldn't be any cuter. And don't worry too much about getting it "right"... because as soon as you figure it out they change it all up on you anyway. Enjoy the ride!!

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  9. What a cute, little dictator! I'm in awe of what moms do in a day given that my cat usually exhausts me-- a cat. So, this is the malted milk ball cake! It looks delicious with the glaze.

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  10. When she starts sitting up for extended periods, becoming more curious about and engrossed in the world arOund her, you'll be able to bake so much more. Enjoy these fleeting months of baby bliss, there's nothing more amazing than a little baby :)

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